The Balcony’s “NEW ORLEANS JUMBO LUMP CRAB CAKES” — served with a “Holy Trinity Tartar Sauce” ($26) — were in dire need of some divine intervention. We were expecting the food to have a smooth and somewhat creamy texture, but because we got a version that was dry, stringy, and tasted nothing like seafood, this pricy dish made us real crabby ... and ended up with a shameful “F.”